Fire in my heart

It appears I may have chosen the wrong semester to study abroad.

The fires continue to burn in San Diego. Newscasters claim these are the worst fires California has ever seen. Ramona, Poway, Rancho Bernardo, Fallbrook, Chula Vista, Rancho Sante Fe, it almost seems that it would be easier to list the areas that aren't burning. And I don't know anything about the fires north of San Diego, but from what i hear, there are plenty up there as well.

After a day of attempting to be productive and not quite succeeding, i stepped out for a run in the increasingly frigid Copenhagen air. I was cold, and my knee bugged me a bit, but it felt good to get out of the house and get the blood flowing. I arrived back to my room sweaty, breathing hard, but feeling more alive. As I hit the intenet explorer icon and the signonsandiego page loaded i paused. I had actually noticed earlier in the day reports of wild fires, but such a thing is not an uncommon occurance in So Cal, so I wasn't overly stressed about it. What was different this time were two numbers that caught my eye. 5 and 56. It was like a jumble of words floating in front of me that just couldn't come together until an explosion in my mind. Evacuations West of I-15 East of the I-5 and North of the 56 freeway. That's where I live.

Instant confusion. There aren't wild fires in my area. Ramona, yes. Poway, sure. Tons of neighborhoods that I have associated with the risk of wildfires. But Del Mar? Rancho Sante Fe? Solana Beach? It made no sense.

Confusion set aside. Act. Open Skype and call mom. It was early in the morning there and I don't think I had gotten the news of the evacuation area much later than she had. I could hear the worry and concern in her voice, but my mom is never one to fall into panic. "I'm getting important paper work together. What do you want me to grab for you if I have to evacuate." Oddly the shock of the question didn't set in until after I answered the question. "Peg." I said instaneously, no hesitation, first thing that had to be saved. Peg is my stuffed pegasus from disneyland that i got when I was about 5. He has been everywhere with me, and the decision not to bring him to copenhagen was more about logistics than him not being an important item. He actually may be one of my most important possessions. He's been a constant my whole life. Then, after about half a second "...and my jewelry box." Those were the first two things I thought of. I hung up on Skype to let my mom do her thing but still called back in periodic intervals. "mom, can you find my box of running medals from HS and my scrapbook" an hour later "Mom mom mom, all my high school photo albums are in my closet." I even requested my favorite purse in the whole world and my entire dvd collection. You know you have an amazing mom when she is willing to pack up about 100 dvds and box sets because you are in a panic about your precious collection.

Since about 4pm yesterday I have constantly had four windows open on my computer. Signonsandiego.com with its up to the minute blog updates, my email, a google map of the fire and evacuation zones, and the MSNBC live newscast via the web. Last night I was afraid to sleep, because I didn't want to wake up to hear all that had been damaged in the 8 hours that i slept. I set my alarm and woke up every two hours to check the news. Not that there was anything I could do, but i had to know what was going on. I've been in touch with many friends in SD...mostly people whose families are in San Diego. I feel a lot of us are in the same situations, sitting in our respective homes on the internet waiting to hear from loved ones if they are evacuating or in any danger.

I can't imagine losing one's home. It's not just about the possessions. People make their home into a safe haven. It's constantly changing as you and your family change. A home and all that it contains represents the course of your family over time. In the last 7 years I've lived in various places. I've lived with roommates, in dorms, in flats, and in an apartment all to myself. But my home with my mom has always been my true home. I always say my heart is in San Diego, and if that is the case then that house is its center. I think even when I have my own place in San Diego I will consider that house to be just as much my home as the place that I live in and call my own. That house with the yellow roses in the yard will never cease to be my home.

That's something you can never replace.