Out running...

I was working through something that was bothering me the other day, running through various scenarios in my head.  As I debated potential solutions, i found myself getting frustrated again.  I saw myself arguing with people in imagined situations.  As no solutions formulated, and tensions increased, i saw myself grab my running shoes, pull my hair back, and head outside.  As I ran through golden gate park there was only one thing on my mind. The sound of my breath, the slight ache of my muscles, and the warm drip of sweat down my temple.  All that mattered was how my body felt.  My mind was clear, I was strong, and i felt so pure.  I stopped running, a cool glean of sweat covering my body, and caught my breath. Previous problems seemed further away, and while no less important, at least somehow manageable.

I opened my eyes and glanced around the living room of my San Francisco apartment.  The runs I've been on lately have been few and far between.  In fact, the last one was over a month ago.  And there are sometimes when I think I am dealing well with not being able to run.  Then there are times when everything seems to go to hell and I have absolutely no outlet.  Nothing else has very had the same effect on me.  Not writing or talking or some sort of meditation.  Right now I'm missing an important part of who I am.  My focus is on getting better, and there's nothing I wouldn't do to get better.  I just miss it so much.